How We Got "Here"

I never had a big desire to be a parent and as I got older (spending a lot of time in grad school) it seemed less likely that would ever happen. When I met met J he felt more or less the same way I did about kids--ambivalent. We've been married now almost 5 years and are both nearing 40. We'd pretty much decided on and accepted not having kids and were absolutely happy with that decision.

About a year ago I started doing a bit of reading about international adoption. I'm not even sure why, but it interested me. I've always found the idea of adoption "comfortable." The more I read, the more interested I became. I know people who have adopted internationally, too, (including a relative) and their experiences have been positive ones. I gathered information about countries and programs. And I sat a long time with my thoughts about all of this. Why was I suddenly thinking of changing the "no kids" plan?! Where were these ideas/thoughts coming from? Was this a passing phase? It didn't seem to be.

A couple months into my research I brought up the topic with J. As I expected, he was surprised about my new-found interest in a child but not at all troubled by the idea of adopting. I say this because I know some people struggle with questions like, "Can I love an adopted child the same as biological child?" etc., but this was never an issues for either of us. It was more of "Okay, do we really want a child?" Where the child came from was a non-issue.

So J let it all sink in, I continued to do research, and we talked about stuff. Initially China seemed like the logical choice. It is a stable program, we knew people who'd gone through it, and we (okay, I) want a girl. But then we found out about China's new requirements and that, coupled with the increasing wait for a referral (now close to 2 years in some cases), meant China was out. Guatemala was/is a bit unstable now, too, because of Hague issues. Plus, I am uncomfortable with some of the problems reported there regarding "baby selling."

As 2006 came to a close adoption was not on our minds so much as our likely (now definite) impending move to another state. Still, I'd kept researching and we became very interested in the Kyrgyz Republic. It was a newer program which is always risky but we're okay with that. Referrals were not overly lengthy and only one trip was required. The one trip option versus 2 is huge for us because it would be difficult for both of us to get that much time off from work, especially on short notice. Then, at the beginning of 2007, the Kyrgyz Republic suddenly switched to a 2-trip process.

Around this time I had been reading about Uzbekistan. The program in the Republic of Uzbekistan is another new program. Only a handful of adoption agencies are facilitating these adoptions. Still, trying something a bit new feels like "us." Plus, we can request a girl, referrals come relatively quickly (or at least they're supposed to!) once the dossier is in, and only one trip of 5-7 days is required. I've been reading up on Uzbekistan and Central Asia like crazy! Since this is a new program the recommendation is to have a "back up" program in case something goes wrong or the program closes. Additional research led to us choosing VietNam as our "number 2" country. The agency we've chosen has had success in bringing home children from Uzbekistan and they also have an established program in VietNam.

In June '07 we sent in our application and are waiting to make an out-of-state move to begin our home study, although I've already found a home study agency with a great reputation in what will be our new home state. So, I guess we're on our way.